fyi.
The observations, tidbits and confessions shared on these pages are mostly for my family... just in case...
The observations, tidbits and confessions shared on these pages are mostly for my family... just in case...
FYI, I love you. Time and existence are irrelevant in the context of love.
It's completely okay to admit when something scares you. The people that truly love you will help try to mitigate your fears and talk you through them if necessary. For example, it's not unreasonable that someone who loves you will help protect or guide you if you fear spiders or heights (amirite, Griffin?). Therefore, why would it seem to be a stretch to admit to these same people that you also fear abandonment, work stability or the stress of life changes?
Don't eat Jolly Ranchers. like ever. They are super bad for your teeth and nothing good can come from cutting your teeth on them.
You can choose whatever religion moves you. You are never too young or too old to change your mind. So that you hear it straight from me, I chose to leave the Catholic church because I was told in grade school (in front of the whole class) that my classmate and best friend was a blasphemer, and idolatry was a sin. It took me a couple decades to finally be comfortable with my decision in the context of loving my religious family. They love me. I will feel the same with whichever religion you choose to follow.
My favorite flowers are California Poppies. They are so very bright and vulnerable... but they are also resilient af.
The space around us is infinite. The universe is endless, and we are so very tiny in its spatial relation. It seems too wonderfully convenient and ego-centric to think that we are at the center of it.
Learn to make one dish really really well so that you can make it blindfolded. This will be your “go-to” dish when you are in need of giving/receiving comfort.
Perennials are like the main furniture pieces of your house. Invest in high quality plants, and you won't need very much. Some of my favorites: climbing hydrangeas and peonies.
At many times in your life (or daily), you will desperately need "ME TIME." Don't be an asshole about it by just constantly complaining about the need of it. Make a plan and do it. Communicate and work with your family to schedule it and make it happen.
Your dad and I work a lot with the most wonderful family therapist. He has greatly helped us craft the life of companionship we desire. In his therapy with your dad, he focuses on healing oneself in the context of relationship dynamics. Never work on yourself as if you're going to forever be in a bubble. Please continue to grow knowing you will be doing so surrounded by loved ones.
Our Thanksgiving Turkey. Some people brine their turkeys, and some don't. Our family brines the turkey in a salt bath with rosemary and sage over night. I then rinse the bird and set it on the rack. I very lightly stuff the bird with a sprig of rosemary and a quarter of an onion. I gently lift up the skin at the breast with my fingers, and place the sage leaves underneath along with a few pats of butter. I place it in the oven at 500 degrees (yes, it might smoke) for 30-45 minutes. Then I take it out and cover it with foil. Then I put it back in the oven at 350 degrees and slow cook it for a really long time until the temperature of the leg reads 165 degrees.
Lola's green beans: heat olive oil, and then add garlic. Add beans and saute until almost cooked through. Add soy sauce to the pan and saute until beans are tender and freaking delicious.
Recreational drugs with needles are disgusting and not an option for you.
If I die before you start high school, please know that I care very little about where you go to college so long as it suits your needs. To be clear, don’t stress over an A when I would be happy with a B. Neither of your parents went to ivy league colleges. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my career until my late 20s. Your dad and I attended graduate schools when we matured and understood what there was to gain from the additional education.
When dealing with family members, try and remove the lens of other family members. Treat each dynamic 1:1. Your sibling has a very biased view of your other sibling. Baggage is unavoidable between family members. Don’t be anyone’s sherpa. Don’t be anyone’s collateral damage either.
I experienced “deep insight” after a very explosive and very public verbal lashing about how terrible and unworthy I was by my father (your Lolo) in front of a large number of family members, acquaintances and friends... I was in my early 20s. I had an almost out of body experience. I think that’s what your body does to you to protect your mind. In that precise moment while he was screaming profanities at me, I had the epiphany that, not only did I want to be a survivor, I wanted to become a mentally healthy individual capable of self-love and empathy. I walked away from my entire family for a long time and began to work on my self. I’m sharing this because, you have that right to work on your selves. You have the right to walk away from my memory, your family, your friends… if it will benefit you and your mental health (and possibly benefit these same people) in the end.