Day 38. 10 small moments

1. It’s a terrible inconvenience: having a chest cold while traveling on a family vacation. It makes me cranky and ungracious, even surrounded by loved ones (especially surrounded by loved ones). He tries to remind me repeatedly to rise above it, and quietly holds my hand… But it’s easier to shut down and self-destruct. Every minute is a battle in choosing which path to take, even when I’m very cognizant of the vast differences in the outcomes.

2. He takes her for an early morning walk and returns with a cup of coffee. While the usual morning banter around us kicks off the start of the day, he pours it from the paper cup into a cerulean stoneware mug in front of me. My mind starts to settle at just the simplicity of this act of giving and taking.

3. She now loves drinking the small drops of coffee from any cup or mug. It started at the beginning of this trip. At first it was just the empty vessel, and we laughed… but she’s smart enough to understand the importance of this liquid, and how it bonds us to each other. I know that she recognizes the weight of this kind of connection.

4. The older boys go out while I feed the two younger ones breakfast. I make quick work of the straightforward tasks, my mind kept busy.

5. Coughing fit… It’s not pretty.

6. He suggests a farmer’s market in Montpelier, but for some reason I set my mind to Middlebury instead. I don’t feel the need to return to that capital anymore. That chapter is done.

7. We leave the hotel and take the route through the pass, and it changes everything for me. We stop and park the car at the side of the road after passing by streams on both sides and scalable boulders. It’s breathtaking and exactly what I envisioned when I decided to drag my young family to return to this state. Moss. Lichen. Crunchy leaves. Roots embracing hard edges. The mountains surrounding us. The fecundity of the earth is so poignant it makes me want to weep. It’s difficult to feel self-centered when experiencing this proximity to nature.

8. The roots of this tree stop me in my tracks. If I were seeking any church, this surely must be its altar.

9. We never make it to Middlebury, but it was a memorable day.

10. I feel blessed with having dinner with two nephews, so different, but both so positive and kind.