Photo exercise: self portrait

I turned 42 today.

The expression on my face in this self-portrait is an effort in mirroring the same expression I always saw on my dad growing up. The look always whispered to me: "...the jury's still out about you..." There wasn't, I'm 87% certain, any malicious intent. It was simply a small thing that carried a heavy weight based solely on the context of the parent-child dynamic. 

In most photos of me, I look like a serious version of my mother. She's a shy woman quick to smile and laugh while telling jokes (of the ribald sort) and always.always forgetting the punch line.

The Madonna in the background is an additional nod to my upbringing. I adamantly repelled my Catholic upbringing, but I never doubted my family's love for me -- regardless of my differing views on life.

Birthdays, I think, are an ideal day to meticulously analyze a self-portrait. I turned 42 today. I feel comfortable in my skin, but even more curious than before. I feel confident, but more open to being vulnerable. I feel sadness often, yes, but also so full of love for so many experiences and people that I can't help but feel blessed and wonder what this next year will bring.