Day 50. 10 small moments

1. I turned 44, but — like many things these days — I (re)prioritized it so that I could focus on something much more exciting from a shared-cultural-experience-perspective: Mother’s Day.

2. We taught him how to make simple syrup. I requested white sangria with orange-peach-mango juice and cut strawberries. He wrote down my instructions on a post-it, and part of me wants to keep the memento along with his first animal drawings and thickly glued together collages.

3. I understand and recognize (through the celebratory din) that the holiday is painful for many; painful for him… It makes the day more challenging and somber. We both put on armor and camouflage to pretend that everything is okay to make the other feel better for the day.

4. Little did I know that when I wished for less cafes a year ago that it would be a freaking “monkey’s paw” of birthday wishes. It is a relief relief RELIEF(!) to have two less cafes, but I know the emotional and mental cost this situation has placed on his shoulders. As the burden lightens for me the news will only get worse.

5. A Bali hibiscus is a Rose of Sharon. With that new knowledge, I feel a little less worried that I’ll kill their super sweet gift in one season.

6. He dropped off their present while on a walk with their dog. They bought me the most comfortable sweatpants, and I’m laughing at how perfect this gift is for me and for this moment in time. It’s a revelation, and I now want to buy everyone sweatpants.

7. I text her photos of her as a young mom; of me and the kids; of videos of how quirky they are. I miss her. I post a photo of us on Instagram even though she won’t see it. It’s my version of yelling how much I miss her out loud.

8. I spend hours playing minecraft and reading a YA fantasy novel. Have I told you exactly why I love this holiday?

9. The rain. I love what it will do for the garden and I focus on that…

10. It’s past their bedtime, but I still read a chapter to them and rub their backs. My muscles and mind are weary and I want nothing more than to fall into bed. Instead, I read another chapter of my book.