Day 31. 10 small moments
1. He surprised us yesterday by tap tap tapping at the window. We weren't expecting them at all, but he placed a gigantic box of Michigan blueberries on the table anyway. And so we started the morning with pancakes with the option of berries within or on the side.
2. He drew a stick figure couple holding hands with a heart in between. I knew he overheard the tones of our voices, but not necessarily our words, and so I tried my best to soothe his worries.
3. He came over wanting to see his grandchildren, but I was running late to a meeting. I threw everything in the stroller, texted two threads, and then jumped in the car without a backward glance. I was three minutes late to the meeting. It was only a little while later, while gazing up at spreadsheets, that I realized: I could have played that out differently. I should have played that out differently.
4. "You must not expect anything from others. It's you, of yourself, of whom you must ask a lot. Only from oneself has one the right to ask everything and anything. This way it's up to you, your own choices. What you get from others remains...a gift." ~Albert Schweitzer
5. I ordered the birthday cake last minute. It took 4 minutes to do so from walking into the store to leaving it. I timed it because I'm weird.
6. I picked up the boys, and we met him for lunch. The hostess placed us at a table, and gave them coloring sheets with kids' menus. After becoming frustrated with two dead ends, he colored the entire maze -- every pathway obliterated by red crayon. In that small moment, I saw myself in him. It takes years of reflection and self-love to not immediately want to destroy everything that blocks your path.
7. He sees the sign and asks what "recombobulation" means, and so we provide him an explanation. He responds by saying, "Oh, I get it. People can recombobulate after they have coffee."
8. She and I walk our errands to the drugstore and cafe and catch up. It doesn't seem like enough time, and I feel like I've forgotten to tell her something important... but that is always how I feel when we part.
9. She's both nervous and firm in her explanation that she's anxious about her dad's health. In so many ways I want to reach out and hug her, but I don't feel comfortable doing so... This makes me question what the word, "professional" means, and how the distance it creates can be both positive and negative; and positive and positive; and negative and negative. I inwardly sigh at the conversation in my head and choose not to hug her.
10. We meet for dinner and listen to each other's tales and trips of the summer. Disneyland, July 4th, the sprinter van. All of it. The highs, the lows, the messy comical chaos of it all. It is so wonderful to be with another woman and simply BE. I feel blessed and thankful.
